Lately, one topic has been overwhelming my mind. Each time I open
my Bible and read from it, I feel as if I have been hit by a wall. This
prevailing theme that has consumed my every waking moment and brings me to
tears is GRACE.
Grave: (noun) unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification; disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency; mercy; pardon.
The Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15) gets me every time. As I
read it I recognize everything I am in the younger son. See the younger son
completely turn his back from his father, who had given him everything he had
asked for. He took the gifts and threw them away. How many times have I turned
away? If you were to reread my ‘Jesus Notebooks’ you’ll find them riddled with
me pleading day after day, week after week, month after month. One morning I
would wake up and see that I had not even given a thought towards God in what
seemed like forever. I would immediately open my notebook and see that that last
time I had written to him had been a plea, I was asking him to forgive me for
forgetting about him. I had gotten into a cycle of desperately writing for two
days, asking God for forgiveness, and then after those two days I would stop. I
would forget again. I would take his mercy and grace and walk away. BUT, each
time I would do that, he would be waiting for me, always right next to me,
waiting for me to remember. What patience, what love he has for someone as
insignificant as me to wait.
When I really look into this parable, I do see a mirror reflection
of myself in the younger son, but what strikes me more, what hurts the most, is
that I am also the older son. He sees the Father forgive his brother without a
second thought. He hears everyone rejoicing that his younger, selfish brother
had returned. His self-righteousness consumes him; he asks the servants what is
happening. He decides to NOT take part in the celebration. Why should his
brother who had done nothing receive a party and his father’s forgiveness,
while he, the one who was faithful, receives nothing? Now I am far from being
faithful, I just told you that I am constantly choosing the crooked path, but I
am constantly seeking the answers as to why I have not received anything, when
I walk straight. When I do return, I look and see others who are
lost; who might have turned away for a second and I judge them. When they
return it seems that they receive a party. My self-righteousness takes over. I
turn towards others and ask them what is happening; I turn toward myself and
become resentful towards them. I don’t go to God and ask or pray for them. I
talk about them. I am selfish. I am mean. I never recognize that God was
celebrating every time I had returned. I was too caught up in how others were being
rewarded that I didn't see my own party happening alongside theirs.
I didn't realize that my Father had been rejoicing in me my
whole life, even when I had turned.
Everything became about me. It is not I who brings me back. It is
God’s amazing grace that redeems me, his unending mercy that calls me back and
reconciles my broken self to his astounding beauty.
This beautiful song by Josh Garrels always moves me to tears and
prayer. Not enough can be said about its amazing ability to bring the most righteous
person to their knees and seek the abounding grace of our Father. I ask you to
meditate over this song as often as possible.
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